Breathe For Me
by RememberThatDay
Summary: Damon and Stefan are old friends of Carlisle's who come to Forks as "witnesses" for Nessie. What if they like it so much that they decided to stay? Better than it sounds, trust me. Rated T for dark themes. DAMONXOC! R&R PLEASE!


**Summary: Stefan and Damon are old friends of Carlisle's who turn up as witnesses for Nessie in Breaking Dawn. What if they like the town so much, that they decide to stay? **

**Okay, so I just want to get right into the story: Damon and Stefan (well, mostly Stefan) are old friends of Carlisle's and came to Forks to be "witnesses", like many other vampires. Unlike the other vampires (i.e the Cullens, Volturi, etc.) the Salvatore's are a different type of vampires known as "the old vampires". The Cullens are the "new and improved" vampires. Anyway, after being witnesses for Reneeseme, and Damon pissing the hell out of just about everyone and almost having his head ripped off by Leah, Damon and Stefan (again, mostly Stefan) decide that they like Forks so much that they want to stay and live in Forks with Elena. So, there you go. I might write a prequel. Hmmm... **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Vampire Diaries or Vulnerable by Secondhand Serenade or any other thing that I might mention in this story. *Sighs dreamily and stares off into space, imagining what it would be like to own Damon and Jacob***

Jordan Thomson.

Who is she?

Nobody, that's who.

She's painfully shy, neurotic, quiet, wimpy, nerdy, depressive and close to the point of being utterly invisible.

She is constantly bullied for having these traits, and her self esteem is at an all time low.

-You would forget her face as soon as you saw it, and never look twice.

She has close to no friends at all, and the friends that she _does _have are either animals of some sort, or have left town. Everyone close to her has abandoned her, left her alone to deal with all the pain that she harbours. Her drug-addict mother has left her, her abusive father ran off, one of her best friend's moved to California and her other best friend died in cold blood.

You _think _you might know her, but really, you don't. You will never know the _real _Jordan. Because just when you think you might be getting through to her, she cuts you off and pushes you away.

Who is Jordan Thomson?

She's nobody, that's who.

The dreams always started the same, and were frighteningly vivid.

I was standing under an old willow tree, the moon shining down on me as a light breeze blew my hair around my face, the long grass tickling my ankles. It was a feeling of familiarity that seemed to capture me every time, though I was sure I had never been to this place in my entire life.

And then the dream took a sinister turn, every one different from the others.

I glanced up and saw a figure standing in the shadows. I could never quite make out who it was, but I always felt like the person was a familiar.

I would call out to the figure, but no sound escaped my lips. I would try to scream over and over again, until my throat was sore.

Suddenly, the weather changed. It began to rain, the wind blowing fiercly and whipping at my face. I wanted to move, to hide under the thick shelter of the forest, but I couldn't move. My feet wouldn't go.

The man emerged from the shadows. He lifted up his face to gaze menacingly into mine, his piercing blue eyes full of anger and exposing sharp gleaming teeth.

Then he lunged for my throat.

_Beep! Beep! Beep! _

I rolled over and groaned, pressing the off button on the godforsaken alarm. My forehead felt clammy with sweat and my heart was pounding in my ribs.

The dreams, nightmares really, were becoming more frequent. I would always get a fright from the dream, even though I always knew what was going to happen next.

I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. I didn't want to wake up yet and start my boring routine and then have to repeat it all over again tomorrow. That's all my life was; a daily routine. I would wake up, make my bed neatly, dress for school, _go _to school, work hard to maintain my near perfect grade, come home, probably watch some re-runs of _Friends_, have dinner, shower, finish all of my homework and then drift into a dreamless sleep. It was mind-numbing.

I felt depressed. In fact, I don't think there has _ever _been a waking moment in the past year that I haven't felt depressed.

I glanced at my side table and winced. The sharp razor was still there from last night, as if it were encouraging me to do it again.

I did not enjoy it. I hated it. I hated the sight of the blood as it slowly oozed out of my wrist, the metallic smell of the blood, like rust. But as much as I _loathed_ it, the sight, the smell, I couldn't stop. The pain was my relief. It kept me sane. It was like my heroine. Without it, I would probably go crazy.

Nathan would have a cow if he saw that again, so I quickly swept it into my draw.

I sighed. After making my bed, I dressed in my normal attire: jeans, plain tee and a warm jacket. There was no reason to dress up for school. No one would be looking at me anyway.

I had no idea as to why God (or whoever created us) even bothered putting me on this world. It was obvious that I wasn't going to do anything important with my life, like cure cancer or become President. I was just an extra, someone who stood in the background with no lines to say, lost in the crowd.

Ugh, I desparately need a hobby.

I went over to my mirror and stared at the person in front of me. She stared back with her murky grey, unseeing eyes.

Some people, like Hayley and Emma (my best friend who had moved to California) called me pretty. Janet, my adoptive mother, constantly told me that I could be pretty if I wanted to. But that was only to make me feel better. Sure, I wasn't a total trainwreck but you wouldn't see me on _Americas Top Model _any time soon.

My soft, yet unmanageable black hair hair hung to about my elbows. I was part Quiluete, you see, though I hadn't inherited their lovely features or russet skin. My skin was actually a porcelain-colour, because in Forks we didn't get too much sun. My features were quite plain, though, I always thought my long lashes (which, fortunately, I had inherited from my father) were very nice, especially the way they framed my stormy eyes. I was quite slender, as I had always been. I was too weak. I couldn't stick up for myself or throw a punch. And everyone else knew that.

Hastily, I snatched my bag up from the ground and went downstairs. It was early, and the old house had no sign of life. I made myself a bowl of cereal and sat down to eat at the table.

While I munched on my breakfast, Hayley walked in.

"Hey." She said, making herself a coffee. Hayley is very pretty, with her long blonde hair, dark blue eyes and curvy figure. She just graduated not that long ago, but right now she's working at the local diner to save for college tuition. Janet and Peter, her mother and father, are paying for half (though they would much rather pay for the whole lot), and Hayley is going to pay for the rest. She says it's an independence thing.

I raised my eyebrows in acknowledgement. She sat across from me and began to talk about a song that she heard on the radio and how much she liked it. I nodded in agreement. My eyes wandered to the kitchen window. The sky was a murky grey, heavy with thick fog, and lightly drizzling.

_Another lovely day in paradise_, I thought and that thought was immediately followed by a sigh.

"Jordan!" Hayley waved her hand in front of my face. My vision came back into focus.

"Huh?" I answered confusedly.

"I was just asking you whether you wanted a ride to school."

"Oh, uh, sure."

Hayley shook her head at my absent-minded ways. "You know; sometimes I have to wonder whether you're all _there_ sometimes."

"Sorry." I mumbled, picking up my plate and rinsing it in the sink.

"No, it's fine. Are you okay? Is everything at school fine?" Hayley asked, worry coating her voice.

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine Hayley. Everything is... great." I lied feebly. Hayley wasn't convinced, but didn't press the matter any more.

As soon as we got to school, I stepped out of the car into the brisk, cold morning and thanked Hayley. She smiled and told me not to get into trouble. I smiled meekly and watched as she drove away in her red Honda Civic.

There were hardly any cars in the parking lot. I found the nearest bench and sat down, listening to my ipod as I watched the morning begin. Cars belonging to students began to fill up the carpark. A boy almost ran over his friend, but his friend laughed it off and tried to act like he hadn't just almost lost his life a few moments ago. People leaned against the hoods of their Honda's or Mistubishi's, chatting away, enjoying their last minutes of freedom before the bell would ring and they would rush off to class.

With fifteen minutes to go until class started, I made my way towards the main building.

Gripping my books firmly against my chest, I walked down the crowded hall, keeping my eyes on my shoes. People bumped in to my, but barely glanced down or even mumbled an apology. I was tripped up by someone, and fell to the ground, my books scattering everywhere. Jason Reid, one of my regular bullies. He laughed and his friends joined in. Red in the face, I quickly gathered my books and stood up hastily.

"You better watch where you're going next time." He hissed. I turned to leave but Jason caught my arm.

"What's your name again?" he asked. I just stared at his hand like it was covered in mutant ants.

Can you believe that he has been bullying me for the past two years and he doesn't even know my name? Pathetic, I know.

"Hey, are you a mute or something?" he yelled, "I asked you a question!"

I shook my head and tried to pry his hand off of my arm. His grip just tightened. It was becoming painful. I looked around to see if anyone would help, but they paid no attention to us.

"Maybe her lips need loosening, Jason!" one of his friends chortled. Jason grinned.

"Leave her alone." A voice boomed from behind us. Nathaniel stood beside me, staring down at Jason.

"Hey Nathan. We were just having a little fun with her. Weren't we sweetheart?" Jason squinted at me. His hold was beginning to hurt me now. I could feel tears forming in my eyes.

"Let her go." Nathan said in a hard tone.

Jason immediately loosened his grasp on my arm and pushed me away. I stumbled towards Nathan.

"What's it to you, Martin? It's one girl. Haven't you got enough?"

"You don't go around harassing my sister, Jason. Don't you _ever _touch her again, got it?" he growled. They all looked surprised when he said the word _sister_. Yes, shy, near-invisible Jordan is related to Nathan, one of the most popular boy in school. Well, not _related _per se, but he treated me like a sister even though I was only adopted in to his family.

Then Nathan grabbed my arm and swept my books out of my arms. He led me in to an empty classroom where he set my books on the table, pushed up my sleeve and examined my arm. A red mark was forming where Jason had held my arm too tight.

"Are you okay, Jordan?" Nathan asked softly, worry apparent in his voice. Nathan was a good big brother. He cared for me, and stood up for me. He got mad when people bullied me (which was on a regular basis) and threatened to "straighten them out", though I would always protest and tell him that I didn't mind, which seemed to bother him even more. He didn't even care what people thought when they saw us occasionally sitting together at lunch.

Nathan was a great guy to everyone. Everyone, including the teachers, adored him. He was captain of the basketball team, captain of the track team and all-around nice guy. He didn't separate us the way some people at this school do. Maybe that's why he is so popular.

"Yes, I'm fine Nathan." I began, trying to tug my sleeve back down before Nathan could notice. He did.

"What the hell is this, Jordan?" he exclaimed angrily, holding my hand so my wrist was showing. A fresh cut was going down my wrist, sticking out amongst the fading pink lines.

I stared at him with a pointed expression that clearly read "_what do you think it is?"_

"Shit Jordan! What have I told you about harming yourself? I thought you had stopped. You could seriously hurt yourself. You could even die."

_Yeah, that will suck. _I mentally snorted. Sarcasm; you've gotta love it.

"Jordan, listen to me; go see the school counseller. Or a therapist. You can even talk to Hayley about it. She'll always listen." Nathan said quietly.

"I can't, Nathan. I-I... _need _it. It helps me." I whispered desperately.

Nathan sighed; he had heard this all before.

He opened his mouth to say something but just then the bell rang, signalling everyone to head to class. I snatched up my books.

"We'll talk later, Nathan." I then turned on my heels and made my way to my form class.

I was among the first people there, and took my seat right at the back in the corner. I stared out of the window at a bird as it flew by. Sighing, I wished that I were that bird. To have all of the freedom in the world.

Nobody glanced in my direction. Nobody sat beside me. I was a freak, an outcast, and I knew it. Nobody cared about me, so I didn't care about them. Easy peasy.

Soon, everyone was in class and the usual chit-chat had died down when Mrs. Dean entered the room followed by three new students. Two were boys, and very attractive from what I could see, and one girl who was very beautiful in my opinion. I stared at one of the boys in shock, and then a stab of pain echoed through me. One of the boys seemed to look like Kade, my best friend who had been murdered in Seattle over a year ago. I was over it by now, but it still hurt to see someone who resembled him so much. His messy black hair fell perfectly, and his blue-ish green eyes had that same spark of life. He had a face that could only be described as perfect and a body that most of the girls' in this school would die just to be next to. I sighed heavily then kept my gaze locked on my desk. Unlike most girls in this school I didn't really interact with the opposite sex. Besides Nathan and Kade when he was alive.

"Class, this is Damon and Stefan Salvatore and Elena Gilbert. They are new to town so please, make them feel welcome. Please take your seats; class is about to start." Mrs. Peers motioned for them to choose a spot. Girls smiled sweetly at the two boys as they walked pass. One of the boys, Damon, winked at them haughtily while Stefan ignored them completely, Elena plastered to his side. It was obvious that they were together.

Strangely, they reminded me of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen, but they had left school last year and went off to college.

Next to me was an available seat and two in the next row down. Great. Just perfect.

_Please don't sit next to me, please don't sit next to me. _I repeated in my head over and over again like a mantra.

They did, which just proves how much Fate hates me and intends on making my life completely horrible.

I sighed loudly (because sighing is kind of my thing) and Damon turned to grin at me, but stopped short. The smirk fell from his face and was replaced by a shocked expression, like he had just seen a ghost.

"C-Clara?" He asked, his skin turning a even paler shade of white. I glanced around, sure that he must be talking to someone else. When I was sure he wasn't, I shook my head.

As the teacher babbled on and on about current events and school events that were taking place soon I pulled out a book and flipped to the last page, writing lyrics from my favourite songs.

_Share with me the secrets that you kept in_

_Because it's cold inside_

"Hello. I'm Damon Salvatore." Someone said next to me. His voice had a contemptuous ring to it. I ignored him and continued with my lyrics.

_And your slow shaking fingertips _

_Show that your scared like me _

"I'm talking to you." The voice grolwed with a slight edge of annoyace to his tone. I winced, his tone reminding me of Jason's.

I snapped my book shut and stared at the boy with a bored expression.

"Yes?" I answered in my equally bored voice.

He stared at me with an intense gaze, like he was trying to read my mind, which made me uncomfortable. I shifted in my seat.

"If you're not going to say anything, I think I'm going to go back to writing." I mumbled and flipped open my book again and began to doodle a picture of a gun. Yes, I'm depressing, but I don't care. Think what you want of me, I'll never change.

Damon huffed angrily. My shoulders slumped as the bell for first period rang. Everyone shuffled out of the class room while I headed to my first class, Biology.

Somehow, just _somehow, _I managed to get Damon in Government and Geography. It was horrible. All he would do was stare and do that crazy eye thing, then stare some more while muttering something about vampires. I was actually concerned. Not for him, of course, since I barely knew him, but for myself. What if he was sort of mentally insane serial killer who had decided that I was his next victim?

_Right, if he wanted to kill anyone he probably would have picked someone prettier, like Kate Berchill. _

I sighed, doodling a picture of a tree with a axe as I waited for Mr. Banner to conduct Biology II.

I sat in the back of the class, on my own table. Nobody dared come near me. Most people treated me like a plague, avoiding me at all costs. Perhaps they didn't want to be affected by my endless depressing state.

I tapped my pen on my book to a non-existent beat, fantasizing of ways to end my miserable life. I would probably lean towards the more melodramatic ways, perhaps to finally be known and recognized by those who did not take the time to get to know me.

Not many people would miss me.

Nathan and Hayley would miss me, but they would eventually get over it. Janet and Peter might miss me. _Might_. My brother would miss me, but, he too would move on with his life.

Wow, all together, perhaps _five _people would miss me if I died, if that. I feel so special.

"Is this seat taken?" that same arrogant voice rang next to me. I glanced up momentarily, my eyes meeting with a pair of blue-green eyes.

"Yes, actua-" I began but then Mr. Banner boomed at everyone to take a seat. Damon smirked and slid in to the seat. I sighed, keeping my head down.

"I'm sorry if we got off on the wrong foot. I'm Damon Salvatore." He whispered. Every time he spoke with that irritating air of confidence it made me want to scream in annoyance and rip my hair out.

I didn't reply.

"I can tell that you don't like me very much." He stated the obvious.

"What gave you that impression, genius? When I refused to talk to you or the way that I threw up a little when you entered the room?" I retorted sarcastically.

"All of the above. What do you hate about me? My devilishly good-looks? My irresistable charm?" Now he was just mocking me.

"No, your unbearingly arrogant atitude. Let's make a deal; you can come back and talk to me when you actually look in the mirror." I said, then opened my book so that I could avoid talking to him.

After a few moments he leaned in slowly, with a menacingly dark look on his face. "Such a pity that you don't like me. Because I intend on getting to know _you _very well, dear Clara."

And with that he straightened himself and turned his attention to the front.

_Clara? Who is this Clara girl that he is constantly mistaking me for?_

I stared at him in disbelief then continued with my doodling and suicidal thoughts, as if nothing had happened.

The bell rang for lunch, and everybody ran out of their seats and filed through the door. Lethargically, I grabbed my bag and made my way to the cafeteria.

I sat at the end of a full table with fellow "geeks" and "loners" (though I didn't see how you could be a loner when you sit at a table full of them). I didn't believe in labels (hence the quotation marks), or categories. I mean, we're all human, aren't we? So, therefore, we should all be treated equally. But, then again, who cares what I think? I'm just me.

A girl named Trisha, who I thought was quite pretty, began to talk to me about class and how much she hated Mr. Peers. I nodded in agreement as she ranted on. I glanced up briefly, and saw Damon Salvatore already making his prescence known in this school. Girls were hoarding around him, giggling as he winked at them. Ugh, just what this school needs; yet _another _arrogant prick who doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself. Wasn't there enough of them already?

His eyes flickered to me, and held my gaze for a few moments. Then I felt my expression turn to disgust and I quickly averted my eyes awkwardly.

Something about Damon Salvatore just makes me want to strangle him. That, for me, is a complete change. I'm usually never this violent. In fact, I'm _never _violent.

After lunch I went to History. Incredibly boring. What else is new?

Algebra? Also unbearingly dull.

Damon tried to talk to me a few times, abit forcefully if you asked me, but I would just mumble incoherant answers until he would eventually give up, like everyone else who had tried to break my evasive shell. I couldn't fathom his interest in me. After all; it was just _me_.

As soon as the final bell rang I was off, flying down the halls. I didn't stop to chat, I just fled for home. Most of the time Nathan would give me a ride home but today he had basketball practice after school, meaning I would have to walk. That was fine with me. But then, as if on cue, it began to rain. And when it rains in Forks, it _pours_. I groaned inwardly. God, or whoever was _up there, _had planned this. It was like they had it in for me or something.

"Hey," said a voice next to me. Damon Salvatore had literally appeared out of nowhere and was standing next to me, with his arms crossed across his chest and staring out at the pouring rain.

"What do _you _want?" I asked, my words coming out a little more harshly than what I was expecting. As I mentioned beforehand; Damon's very prescence aggravates me.

He smirked cockily, knowing that he was getting on my nerves. "I was just wondering if you wanted a ride."

"No." was my immediate answer.

"Fine, die of hypothermia; see if I care." He shrugged and began to walk off.

I grunted in a non-lady like fashion and began to trudge home in the falling rain.

Suddenly, I was beginning to wish that we didn't live so far away.

As I was about twenty minutes away from my house (and that was _by car_), a car pulled up next to me. I froze. Well, I was actually frozen already.

"Jordan, is that you?" a deep, familiar voice yelled over the heavy rain. I turned and saw Seth Clearwater behind the wheel of a silver Volvo. I smiled. Seth and I had known each other ever since we were little, and our moms (before my mother had became a drug-addict, that is) were friends. Leah and I would play with our barbies together or have little make-up sessions, and I would go stay on the reservation with them sometimes when my father had had abit too much to drink. We had grown apart over the past three or four years, after my abusive father had up and moved away and my mother became addicted to drugs. Seth and Leah always knew about the problems going on in my household and comforted me, even though Seth was one or two years younger. He was a good kid with a good heart.

"Hey Seth." I croaked.

"Hop in; you're catching a cold." I obliged and jumped into the warm clutches of what I assumed was Seth's car.

"Wow, it has been ages since I have seen you, Jord!" Seth exclaimed, practically jumping into my lap to give me a big hug. I noticed that he was subsequenstially bigger and bulkier since the last time I had seen him.

"You too, kid" I laughed, hugging him back and smiling genuinely. It was hard _not _to smile when you're around someone as happy-go-lucky as Seth. He just radiated pure happiness. It was contagious.

Over the past two years, I had only seen Seth mayber three times. Once, two years ago, at his father, Harry Clearwater's funeral. Last year at Kade's funeral, even though his body had disappeared. And the last time at Emma's goodbye party, though it was more like a mourning for me.

Seth put the car into drive and eased back on to the road.

I whistled, impressed. "Nice car, Seth. When did you get your liscence?"

"Oh, it's not mine."

"Wait, you didn't _steal _it did you?" I exclaimed, panicking. When did Seth become such a criminal?

He laughed at my reaction. "No, it belongs to a friend of mine. Since I don't have a car of my own he let me borrow his."

"Oh. That's good. Do I know this friend of yours?" I asked curiously.

"Maybe... Edward Cullen?"

My jaw dropped, "_You _are friends with the Cullens?"

"Yeah... well, most of them anyway. I'm not sure if Rosalie does. She sure doesn't like Jacob, that's for sure."

"Jacob? As in, Jacob Black? I thought people on the rez didn't like the Cullens? Isn't that why they stopped going to the hospital?"

"Oh, yeah... well, now we are all... _friends_, I guess." He said, noticeably uncomfortable.

There was a moment of silence. Seth cleared his throat and when he spoke his voice was much softer, sympathetic even.

"So, how you holding out?"

I stared out the windscreen, watching the wipers slosh back and forth for a few seconds before replying.

"I'm holding out, Seth. Barely, though. I don't know. Ever since Kade died and Emma left, everything had been going downhill. I mean, with my mom gone, Mason had to go live with my grandma in Michigan. Janet and Peter are great, and treat me like their own, but sometimes I feel like I don't belong. Maybe it would be best if I just left." I sighed.

"Well, you always know that you're welcome at my place. Leah could use some company every now and then." Seth smiled.

"How is she? And you're mom?"

"You know, the usual; bossy, temperamental, sardistic. And my mom is great; she still makes your favourite meatloaf casserole. I think she might be having secret dates with Charlie Swan though." Seth laughed, making me smile.

We were about ten minutes from my house. Seth's cell phone began to ring. He answered it.

"Hello? Oh, hi. What? Like, _right now_? Um, I'm kind of busy. I'm dropping off a friend! No, Leah, for your information, it is _not _my girlfriend! I don't even have a girlfriend! Okay, Leah. Not that it is any of your business, but it's Jordan. Yes, Jordan Thomson. Yeah, I picked her up because she was freezing her butt off. Oh, okay." He mumbled and then passed me the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jordan! Long time, no talk." Leah sounded disappointed.

I grimaced. "Yeah, I know."

"When are you going to come see me? I am in desperate need of some girl time."

"I know the feeling. How about this weekend?"

"That sounds great. I'll get the soppy movies, you get the popcorn and M&M's." She laughed.

It was just like old times. When we were young, and she would stay over and watch _The Little Murmaid _with me and Emma. Leah, Emma and I were particularly close as children, but when we started middle school we rarely got to see Leah. Then she got a boyfriend, Sam Uley, and all relationships just vanished. She spent most of her time with him. And then a few years ago he disappeared and when he came back he had changed, and said that him and Leah couldn't be together. Broke her heart, he did. Shattered it. Then to make matters worst, he started seeing her cousin, and bestfriend, Emily Young. That was just like taking Leah's ripped up heart and stomping on it over and over again.

I knew how that felt.

"Of course, Leah. Okay, here's Seth." I said, passing the phone to Seth again and leaning back in my seat.

"Yes, Leah. Well, you know Paul... He doesn't take too well to er, newcomers. Okay, see you soon." He sighed and shut the phone.

"What was that all about?" I asked curiously.

Seth turned to stare at me. He looked as if he were contemplating whether or not to tell me what it was. Then he shook his head.

"It's best if you didn't know."

I realized how much Seth had grown up since I had seen him last. Before, he would've told me in a heartbeat. Now he seemed more cautious.

I gazed out the window at the never ending blur of green. Forks was quite a pretty place, even if it was somewhat dull.

"Oh, right here." I said, pointing to a driveway leading up to a house.

Seth did as I said, and turned in to the driveway. He put the car in park and studied my face for a few moments.

"Listen, Jordan... stay out of the woods, and don't go walking around alone, okay?"

"Okay, Seth." I said, my bag in hand. I opened the door, but stopped when I felt a warm hand on my arm.

"Promise?" Seth pressed.

"I promise, Seth." I said with sincerity. He removed his hand from my arm and smiled. "Well, I guess I'll see you this weekend then."

"Of course. Bye." I yelled as Seth sped off. I trudged inside and went straight up to my room, where I would probably reside for the whole night.

An hour after Seth had dropped me off, I heard a car pull up outside. I peeped through my curtains and saw Nathan's car. Janet was in her office, working. She is always working, even on her days off.

I sighed, swicthed off my small tv and went to my mirror. I picked up my comb and brushed my hair back. Pictures surrounded my mirror, photos of the more... happier moments of my life.

Unconsciously, I reached up and touched a picture of Kade, Emma and I as we smiled. It was taken about a week before Kade's death, on the night of his sixteenth birthday.

Regret flooded my mind as I remembered my last words spoken to him.

_My phone rang, "For Your Entertainment" from Adam Lambert playing. I laughed, knowing that it was Kade. _

_"Hey." I greeted him, while brushing back my hair. _

_"Hey doll! What 'cha doing?" his cheerful voice replied. I smiled._

_"Not much. Why?" _

_"Oh, because I heard that Hawthorne Heights are playing in Seattle tonight and I was wondering if you would do me the pleasure of accompanying me. I have already asked Em; she says she can't go because she has to pack." His voice sounded sad. We were all sad about Emma leaving, but she had promised to keep in touch. _

_"Really? Oh, well... I can't Kade." _

_"Why not? Oh god, don't tell me you have another date with that douche from La Push." _

_"Greg is _not _a douche!" _

_"Babe, face it; he's a total tool. Aren't you even the slightest bit suspicious? I mean, come on Jordan, he didn't even pay any attention to you before! You're not-" he stopped short then went silent. _

_"I'm not what, Kade?" I asked._

_Silence._

_"I'm not _pretty_ enough for him?" I said, a little spiteful._

_"No! No, I didn't mean that!" _

_"Well, for your information Kade, Greg likes me for me! He doesn't care if I'm pretty or not." I could feel the tears coming on._

_"Jordan! You're beautiful! No, please! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I was just saying that-"_

_"No, save it for someone who cares, Kade." _

_"Jordan, please! I'm-" that's when I hung up on him._

That night, I went on my date with Greg. He tried to get me to sleep with him but dumped me when I wouldn't put out. When I got home, I had ten texts from Kade and three voice messages. Kade had went to Seattle on his own, and never came back.

I sighed, tears rolling down my cheeks. I didn't even care enough to wipe them away.

Why hadn't I gone with him? Why didn't I just listen to him? Maybe if I would have gone then Kade wouldn't have been murdered, and everything would be okay.

Kade wasn't _just _my best friend. No, he was always more than that. We both felt it, but we were just too shy to admit it, and possibly ruin our friendship. Ever since Kade died, everything just went downhill from there.

Emma left, and we barely talk anymore. I knew that she felt guilty for letting Kade go on his own. We both did.

My mom decided that my brother and I weren't worth the trouble anymore, and ran off with her boyfriend.

Mason went to live with my grandparents in Michigan, so now I hardly ever see my brother either. Why didn't I go live with my grandparents? Well, because they don't really like me. I know that they always try to make up excuses like "_Oh, darling we don't have enough room here for you." _or_ "Oh, sweetie we wish you could live with us, but we're on a tight budget as it is, and one more child to feed and clothe would just put us in debt. I hope you understand, Jordan." _But I know that they don't like me because I remind them of my mother.

Now life just doesn't feel like it's worth the hassle. Kade was like the glue of my life; he kept me together. Now that the glue is gone, wasted away, all of the broken pieces are slowly falling apart.

Abruptly, a shrill ring snapped me out of my depressing trance. My cell phone was ringing. I picked it up, knowing that very few people ring my cell phone.

"Hello?" I greeted, my voice thick with emotion.

"Jordan?" a worried voice said. I smiled through the tears.

"Hey, Mason." I replied, trying to replace my gloomy tone with a more happier one. Mason is twelve, five years younger than me. Maybe it's due to the fact that we only see each other at Christmas and during the summer vacation, but I love him.

"Are you okay? You sound like you have been crying. Who did it, Jordan? Tell me who did it."

Another thing about Mason; he is _extremely _protective. When we were little, and my father would hit me, Mason didn't really understand what was going on. As he got older he became more aware of what was happening, but never dared do anything. What _could _he do? A small boy, only eight years old, against our father? So now, I think, Mason tried to make up for all those times he stood by, just watching by protecting me from any harm. He couldn't protect me from everything. Not when he's all the way in Michigan.

"Nothing, Mase. How is school going?" I said quickly, changing the subject. Mason knew what I was trying to do but didn't press. No one did. They never pushed me, though sometimes I wished they would. Everyone treated me like a fragile doll. Like they were afriad that I might break if they said the wrong thing. They weren't far from the truth.

"Good, boring, but good. We have a few assignments due soon which..." Mason started to ramble on about how he thought the teachers didn't give them enough time, and how difficult school was becoming.

I smiled, though he couldn't see it. I loved listening to Mason. He might not realize it, but he had a good life living with our grandparents. The only worries he had were small matters, tests that he thought he didn't study enough for, girls who he had a crush on but never talked to him. I envied him. Mason is good-looking, has a good education, a family who loves him and a bright life ahead of him. We were polar opposites.

What did I have?

Nothing. I wasn't any of the things that Mason is. I'm not attractive, or athletic like Mason. Sure, I'm intelligent. But what do I have to show for? A piece of paper, marked _A_? Some people love me. Mason does. Hayley and Nathan do. Janet and Peter love me. Well, I assume they do. I hope they do.

I don't have a future. I can't imagine myself leaving Forks for college, getting a job, finding a husband and growing older with him, then finally, dying whilst surrounded by all of my eight grandchildren. 

"Jordan!" Mason shouted through the reciever, snapping me out of my reverie.

"I was listening." I huffed.

"Yeah? What did I just say?"

"Um... Something about a girl?" I guessed, picking out something that Mason usually talked about.

"Nope, not even close. I was telling you how gran said that I could come to Forks for the summer vacation. Isn't that great?" Mason exclaimed. I frowned. They usually didn't let Mason come to Forks. Most of the time I would go to Michigan to see him.

"Yes, that's... nice of them."

_"Mason, dinner time!" _I heard a voice call from the other side of the phone.

"Oh, that's gran. I better go. I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Sure. Bye Mason." I realized that I sounded disappointed.

"Bye Jordan." He said, hanging up. I held the phone to my ear for a few more moments, then sighed.

A sharp knock came at my door.

"Come in" I said in a hoarse voice. The door creaked open, and a head popped through. Hayley looked at me appraisingly.

"Dinner is ready. Spaggetti Bolgenese." She smiled warmly. I tried to return it, but it probably looked pathetic.

"Okay, I'm coming."

I made my way downstairs, and was greeted by the smell of Janet's lovely cooking.

Dinner was a quiet event in the Martin household. Peter worked late, so he wouldn't be joining us. Peter worked at the Police Station alongside Charlie Swan.

Janet was a fairly nice women. She had a steady job, one that she particularly enjoyed. She is the deputy principal at the _only _elementary school in Forks, so I guess she makes a good amount of money. Most of the time Janet worked late too, so it was a rare moment when she came home early.

The conversation at dinner was light, consisting of Janet asking us how our day went and topics of that sort. Janet mentioned that a new family had moved to Forks, which I assumed was the Salvatore's. When Hayley asked to know more about them, I excused myself from the table and put my dishes in the dishwasher.

I showered and changed in to my sweatpants and singlet. By the time I had finished off most of my homework, including the ones that weren't due for another week, everyone was asleep, leaving the old house silent.

I felt alone. The only sound was the rain pouring outside and the wind howling so hard that the house shook.

Being alone... it terrified me. It shook my body with tremors and made my heart speed up at the slightest bump. I didn't like being alone. I didn't trust myself enough to let myself be alone for too long.

Fear crept over me, slowly at first, then increasing in pace. I switched off the lights, and buried myself under the covers of my blankets, trying to supress the feelings swarming around my mind. I lay on my back, staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling. Their luminous glow calmed me a little, but not enough for me to feel comfortable. My breathing began to speed up as paranoia swept over me. I felt like someone was watching me.

Rain beat on my windows like a drum, lightning crackling and thunder rumbling. A storm.

Damon's eyes kept on nagging at my brain, his intense stare, the way he always seemed to irritate me without even trying. He had me on my toes. I didn't like it. It was driving me insane, all of these unanswered questions gripping my thoughts in a tight hold.

_"I intend_ _on getting to know you very well." _

Why would he want to know _me_? I'm not worth the trouble, as everyone is clearly hinting. Just look at how my mother and father left me.

Everyone thinks they know me but they don't. No one knows the _real _me. No one will ever know the real me.

They say that they understand, but they don't. They try to get close to me, but eventually they give up. There is no hope for me. No light at the end of my dark tunnel. I'm a lost cause. I'm insignificant.

My vision became clouded with tears. I didn't notice what I was doing until I felt the blade pierce my wrist, warm blood welling to the surface wherever I dragged it. My eyes flew open. I stopped digging the razor down my arm. Blood was also flowing in my mouth; I had bit on my lip to stop me from screaming. It took a moment for the pain to hit home. It was immense. The most I had ever felt from a single cut, but that was just because it was so abrupt. I wiped away the blood using a towel close to my bed.

I couldn't describe how much better I felt. I felt more sane. It's disgusting. I threw the razor acroos my room, where it bounced off my door and fell to the ground, wet blood staining the blade.

I didn't want to feel like this. I just wanted all of the pain to go away. Why wouldn't it leave me alone? It stalks me, like I'm it's most recent victim. I enjoys messing with me.

I laughed through my tears and sobbing, a sure sign of insanity. Maybe I was crazy. That sure would be a relief.

Rolling over, I hugged my pillow close to my chest. My pillow felt wet with my tears. I'm alone in this world. The only thing that I find comfort is within a razor and my pillow. A girl with a pillow for a friend. No Kade, no Emma, no parents. Just a pillow.

"I wish that I were dead." I whispered coldly, before I dipped in to a dreamless sleep.

**Chapter one! I like it. It's so... depressing. What do you think? I'm thinking of going a bit suicidal with this story. Hmmmm... **

**Anyway, REVIEW! Because reviews make Jordan happy. And we all want Jordan to be happy, right? **


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